[Introduction, Stephen Colbert]
Lord of the Rings is the number one trilogy!

[Introduction, Jon Batiste]
Of all time, SUCKAS!

[Chorus, Stephen Colbert & Jon Batiste]
It's the number one trilogy
The number one trilly
Try to deny and you just sound silly
Worldwide gross of almost 3 billy
16 times what they made on Free Willy

[Stephen Colbert]
**** you, whales!

[Verse 1, Stephen Colbert, Jon Batiste]
Best triple feature? Hell yeah we would win it
We got the only trilogy with everything in it
Don't believe me? You can check for yourself
The Godfather doesn't even have one elf
C.G.I.? Oh my guy, yеah we have that ****
Andy Serkis doing workis, motion capturing it
Star Wars is bеtter? Ha, you make me sick
Jar Jar can go ahead and suck my... riiiiiiing!
[Chorus, Dominic Monaghan (Lil' Merry), Billy Boyd (Big Pippin), Sean Astin ($amwi$e G), Elijah Wood (Frodo mothaf%#$@&' Baggins)]
Lord of the Rings is the number one trilly
Ask Dom Monaghan
Or you can ask Billy
Sean Astin's here too?
Wow that's actually silly
Will Elijah Wood join us?
I don't know, will he?

[Verse 2, Elijah Wood, Billy Boyd, Dominic Monaghan, Stephen Colbert, Sean Astin]
Elf, dwarf, wizard, human, hobbits at the Shire
Bring the ring to Mount Doom, and I throw it in the fire
Such a good trill, that I wish they made four though
These films a better threesome than your favorite porno
A Strider, some riders, Gollum, a spider
We got a grey wizard
And we got one that's whiter
Best trill ever, baby, don't you forget
That's right, Anna Kendrick, Pitch Perfect ain't ****

[Anna Kendrick, spoken]
What the hell? I thought we were friends. Damn

[Verse 3, Billy Boyd, Sean Astin, Dominic Monaghan, Elijah Wood]
That's scary, he's hairy, oh, eagles in the airy
Remember when the four of us rode Bucklebury Ferry?
Plus we got dedication, yeah, Viggo knows
Dude lost a tooth, and he broke two toes
[Verse 4, Jon Batiste, Stephen Colbert]
Number one trilly, head of the class
You think any different, you can kiss my ass
I ain't takin no questions, so you best not ask!
Test me mother****, and YOU, SHALL NOT, PASS!

[Intermission, Dominic Monaghan]
Tell 'em, Method Man!

[Verse 5, Method Man]
Lordy lordy, we won some awards, be
Cutting down pretenders, like Aragorn's sword, G
17 Oscars, that's king **** forever
That's more than these 3 mother**** put together
Effects? Impeccable
Costumes? Unassailable
I'm only on this song 'cause Ian McKellen's unavailable

[Intermission, Elijah Wood]
Show 'em, Mike

[Verse 6, Killer Mike]
Back to the Future, oh, you got a DeLorean?
We got sexy elves all over Lothlorien
An archaeologist? Sorry I'm snoring
It's Indiana Jones and the Temple of Boring
Billionaire fights crime? I don't understand-a
The Dark Knight's capitalistic propaganda
And Hockey ain't ****, **** The Mighty Ducks
And I know it's five movies, but Twilight sucks
**** Anna Kendrick!
[Anna Kendrick, spoken]
I'm BARELY in those movies--!

[Intermission, Orlando Bloom, Killer Mike]
The women are gorgeous
The fellas are cute
Let my man rap in elvish while Serkis plays the flute

[Verse 7, Hugo Weaving in Quenya with English subtitles]
Tolkien was so brilliant / Tolkien nánë ingolmo
That he created new languages. / ar autanessë sinyë lamber
Do other trilogies / Haryar exë nelde-nyarnar
Have fully formed languages? / aquacanta lamber?
Blade? No. / Blade? Ui
Beverly Hills Cop? Uh uh. / Mahtar Beverly Amboreva? Laumë
The Da Vinci Code? / I Da Vinci Sarati?
Dan Brown barely speaks English. / Dan Brown quetë véra lambya ve vinë
Yeah, I said it. / Yé! Equen si

[Chorus, everyone]
Lord of the Rings is the number one trilly
Movie's so sick, I gotta take an Advilly
When I'm sniffing daffodillies, sipping chamomillies
Lord of the Rings is the number one trilly

[Orlando Bloom, spoken]
But, I will admit
The Naked Gun movies are pretty great

[Outro, everyone]
Lord of the Rings is the number one trilly
Ask anybody and they know the dilly
From Jacksonville-y, to Manila Philly
Ask all the fishes, the seaweed, the krill-y
Lord of the Rings is the number one trilly
Lord of the Rings is the number one trilly
Lord of the Rings is the number one trilly
Trilly, trilly, trilly, trilly