[Intro]
Oberlin, Ohio
Why, oh, why, did I go?
You don't know what I know
But Oberlin, Ohio
Is D-I-R-T-Y, so
Dirty! So dirty
So dirty, dirty, dirt-dirty
So dirty that I got bed lice while I was there
Yo

[Chorus]
If you stay overnight in Oberlin
Then you might want to wash that robe you're in
'Cause the bedbugs bite like a Doberman
When you're over in Oberlin
If you think there are no vermin in Oberlin
Then this song's gonna be so soberin'
'Cause the bedbugs strike like a cobra when
You stay over in Oberlin
Check it

[Verse]
I check into an inn in Oberlin
In fact, it was the Oberlin Inn
I thought I'd be refreshed and rested, who woulda guessed
That my guest bed would be pest-infested?
I woke up looking like I was stricken with chicken pox
More bites than YouTube views of "Dick in a Box"
I looked like raw hamburger
So I went and saw the manager
But he was like, "Sir, that's unlikely
We're a pricey hotel, we're lice-free
And you're a crackpot," but when I went back to pack
What did I spot but a little black dot
On my bedspread
Jackpot! Come here, bug
Trapped it in the case where I keep my earplugs
Brought it to the manager, stuck it in his face and
Got the room free and some vindication
Yeah, go Napkins! You showed that bug to the manager!
Uh-huh, yeah Napkins! Showed the earplug case to the manager!
Oh yeah, go Napkins! Right up in your face, Mr. Manager
And you didn't even have to pay for the room! Was it worth it?
Hell no
'Cause I'm all about peace, I hate to get thug
But man, I hate to get some bedbugs
I'd hate to have to go get some lead slugs
Shoot up the bed and make some dead bugs
I'd rather hang out with friends and get hugs
Or get a little high on a pothead's drugs
Or cuddle on a rug with some purebred pugs
Any of those would be better
Than the dreaded bedbugs of Oberlin
I don't ever, ever want to go again
I'm a Obophobe, you know, bro?
And I don't mean I'm afraid of the oboe, no, no
Whatever part of the globe you're in
Whether you're dirt poor or a nobleman
Democrat or Re-po-blican
Whether you hate chocolate or you're always Russell Stoverin'
Whether you believe in Jehovah, Zen
Or even a four-leaf clover
When you pray, you should pray that they never
Get below your skin in Oberlin