[Intro]
Irrevocability
That's the word that defeated me
At the 1992 Ohio Spelling Bee
I can still fill the irony
Because "irrevocability" means you can't take something back
And I'd give anything I owned if I could take just one more crack
At the word that I spelled in my head so many times
Since then, it's killing me
The Napkins learned at a very young age
About irro-irrevocability

[Verse]
I wanna tell you all about how I got ix-nayed
Picture Mr. Napkins back in the sixth grade
My hair was still straight 'cause I was prepubescent
I wore a jean jacket that I'd gotten as a Hanukah present
And it seemed way cool
To my sheltered friends at my Jewish day school
Hebrew, not Latin; shalom, not shillalys
More scary than nuns, our teachers were Israelis
So one day they announced a spelling bee
And I beat everybody else at my elementary
Went to regionals, and before I knew
What was happening, I was one of the top two
My opponent missed the word "cirrhosis"
And I was like, "Grandpa had that, I know this!
Yes!" And I took first place and went on to states
For my date with fate
So now we cut to me at my statewide bee
Which was held in my hometown of Cincinnati
Kids everywhere like a horde of locusts
But I was tryna act like a Ford and focus
The top three would go to DC
And compete nationally on TV
Specifically on ABC, which, appropriately
Was the network that broadcast the spelling bee
I spelled 'til my vision was blurred
And perser-verred 'til it was me and three nerds
I stepped forward when my turn occurred
I heard my word and I was like "Word!"
I knew just what letters to say
And I looked those judges right in the eye and said:
"I-R-R-E-V-O-K-A-B-I-L-I-T-Y"
(imitating loud and long buzzer)
Irrevocability
The Lee Harvey Oswald to my Jack Kennedy
And the consolation prize that they gave to me
Was a Merriam-Webster's Dictionary
Jeez, wow, how twisted and sadistic were they being
It's like offering a free ski lesson to a guy
Who just fractured both of his legs skiing
And I'm still grieving
I can't fix that pain, it sticks into my memory
It's not I-R-R-E-V-O-K
It's I-R-R-E-V-O-C
[Outro]
I-R-R-E-V-O-C, I-R-R-E-V-O-C, I-R-R-E-V-O-C (No, Napkins; bad, Napkins; wrong Napkins! Why, Napkins?)
I-R-R-E-V-O-C, I-R-R-E-V-O-C, I-R-R-E-V-O-C (Dooms, Napkins; fail, Napkins; shame, Napkins; die, Napkins!)
This isn't funny, it's therapy
Irrevocability, huah!