[Verse 1]
I cried the day my grandfather no longer knew my face
I wept by the window when he died
And when my mother called long distance
To say her mother passed away
I blubbered on the bus, I couldn't hide
I've cried out many broken hearts
I've sobbed in countless drinks
Over girls with faces I barely now recall
I bawled in a ball on the kitchen floor
When living was too much
Pick a room, I've wept in them all

[Chorus]
But I can't tell you why
Tonight my eyеs are dry

[Verse 2]
I always cry at musicals
When loving dreams arе sung
I've stained many books, their stories false and true
I cry at rom-coms, dramedies
The news and children's films
The Muppet Movie, Frozen, Frozen 2

[Chorus]
But I can't tell you why
Tonight my eyes are dry
[Bridge]
What would you call the opposite of a comedian?
Whatever it is, that's what I wanted to be
I dreamed of touring the country
Playing small gigs in intimate venues
Sitting on stage in a leather wingback armchair
And telling tales of woe
The audience would join me in a long collective cry
We would all weep together as one
I even planned the merchandise
A hundred percent cotton souvenir handkerchiefs
Embroidered with tour dates
Available in the foyer after the show

[Outro]
I'm waiting for the waterworks to come
But I don't feel a thing, I'm just exhausted and numb
I need some release, I need to make it all real
A lacrimal Niagara, a dramatic reveal