[Verse 1]
I have only one friend
She sings the same song as me
Down in the dumps, she likes it dark
I like her hand on my knee

[Verse 2]
I have only one confidant
She is the silence of night
My taciturn temptress
She's never up for a fight

[Chorus 1]
I have seen all the ways your shrinking body works
The successes and the failures, all its kinks and quirks
I've smelled its every scent, I've heard its every sound
Now open up your heart if there's enough to go around

[Verse 3]
My Pollyanna loves poetry, she thinks my heaven is hell
I come on strong with a limerick, she knocks me back with a villanelle
She has only one confidant, a psychosexual shrink
I think she's wasting her money, I think we just need a drink

[Chorus 2]
You have seen all the ways my growing body works
The successes and the failures, all its kinks and quirks
You know its every whim, you know its weakness well
Now let's try some fluid bonding, in a lost hotel
[Bridge]
And when we looked for a unicorn, we found a bride and a blushing groom
We took them out for a cocktail, they took us back to their room
But I confess I now regard, exclusion jealousy one
I had a wibble I haven't worn, while they just had some fun

[Outro]
We have seen all the ways our earthly bodies work
Their successes and their failures, every kink and quirk
We know hard they ache, we understand their needs
But their dyad is dividing now, as vintage vows recede