It was the biggest cock you'd ever seen
But you've no idea where that cock has been
You said you were careful - you never were with me
I heard you did it four times but jonnies come in packs of three

She was the best shag I'd ever had
That doesn't mean I'm saying, bedwise, you were bad
I think you were working, we got a hotel
We didn't have anything but I thought I might as well

I never told you the rest
I was drunk and I told you I was thinking about a test
You know I just said it for effect
Then you laughed and said I'd fuck anything in a skirt once I'm erect

And she's a famous harlot in this town
I know enough to, but still I couldn't turn her down
He said I'm an arsehole, what was I thinking?
It's far too easy to blame it on the drinking