You'd already been about half an hour
With your pre-clubbing shower
Now I'd always planned to have a look
In your special Winnie the Pooh book
The place was marked and it was there in blue and white -
It just said simply, "Paul stayed last night"
Next I was on the bog
And you got down on one knee
You were protesting your innocence and you started to cry
Just as I started to pee

You said, "I didn't shag him, he slept on the couch in the kitchen
He might as well be a girl
He's good for a laugh and he's good for bitchin'"

You said you'd never be willing or able
And he looks like he was made on a fucking table
Although, to be fair, I think he hides the bolts quite well
But as soon as he opens his mouth you can just tell
I had just assumed you'd completely gone off shagging
And I can just see you with your new uni pals, standing bragging
Now he's your boyfriend and I know you were talking shite
But you still denied it when I met you at someone's birthday party the other night

You said, "I didn't shag him, he stayed on the couch in the kitchen
He's just like one of the girls
We have a good laugh when we're sitting bitchin'"
The words that you used to think turned me on just made me laugh -
"do you want to suck my cunt?" in real life just sounds naff
And when we were with your friends I just as may as well have been no one
And you can't get over your dead dog - well it takes one to know one