I went to the shop
The shopkeeper said
"Just point at what you want"
I went to the shop
The shopkeeper's mad
So I'll think at the store front

I don't even know all that I know I should
But in the shop all the shopping's good
Just point at what you want
Pam pam pam pam pam pam pam pam pam pam pam pam ah

I went to the playwright
Tried to get a part
To be a thespian
I went to the playwright
Just to get a part
A maid or a plebeian
I'll wear all black all day
You'll be my only friends
Benign eccentrics of a thespian
Well, I'd rather stay hidden
Pam pam pam pam pam pam pam pam pam pam pam pam ah
Pam pam pam pam pam pam pam pam pam pam pam pam ah

Please help me, Dan Treacy
Please hеlp me, Dan Treacy
Pleasе help me (uh)
Please help me
I've been hiding
Been hiding (uh)
I went to the courthouse
Went to the court
To see the magistrate
I went to the courthouse
Went into the court
In a haze of fey complaints
I don't even know what a magistrate does
But he took my money because
Because of the wonderful things that he does