[Verse 1]
It's New Year's Eve at the gates of hell
Give the Antichrist a cigarette
And tell him the boys are here all the way from Oklahoma
Oh Lord, what the hell is that aroma?
It's Jimmy Perkins and the other sons-of-bitches
Who ripped off musicians and they stole their riches
They're burning over yonder with the Fox News whores
And, oh look, is that the singer for The Doors?
Nope, my mistake 'cause no matter what they did
Poets deserve to be in heaven; and by the way, kid
Why am I here when I wasn't that bad?
I just didn't like churches but I never wore plaid

[Verse 2]
Now I know I'm funky and strip bar dirty
And I like a Les Paul through a Vox AC30
There's something 'bout a lipstick pickup
Plugged right into a Blond Tremolux
I guess I deserve to be burned alive
Since I pawned my '59 ES 335
And sure I drank a lot of gin and tonic
But I never threw away my Panasonic
I kept that turntable through my divorce
Playing Neil Young and Crazy Horse
Drunk out of my mind singing "Tonight's The Night"
It was as lethal on vinyl as China White
[Verse 3]
Now maybe one time I used an Ouija board
And I never learned to make a B-flat chord
So I got a double-headed snake tattoo
I love Tao Te Ching by Lao Tsu
The action and the motion of a roulette wheel
And a woman walking away in a pair of high heels
Now once I drew to an inside straight flush
And I wished I could sing like Otis Rush
The truth of the matter is I really can't sing
But I can quote Martin Luther King
His words are stronger than angel dust is
"The arc of the moral universe is long but it bends towards justice"

[Verse 4]
Now back to New Year's Eve at the gates of hell
It's kinda like the Beverly Hills Hotel
If you can get a table next to the fire
A sign says "Jacket and tie required"
The devil is bad and God of course is good
But there's one thing I never understood:
God throws us down in hell for all our sins
Burning in a fire and it never ends
The decision is made at the highest level
Seems Got outsources his work to the devil
Like he's an employee on the vice squad
Appears like the devil is working for God
[Outro]
I can't believe I said that
I'm losing it
Did I mention Jimmy Perkins is a lying son of a bitch?
Oh, that's good