There is a reason you see
That I'm thicker in the middle
I could blame it on a bad knee
Maybe just a little

I could blame it on my blue jeans
Or that my wife is such a fine chef
My metabolism's changing
But I haven't told you why yet

It's a magical, mysterious
Hispanically ambiguous glaze

What is that white stuff on my nachos
It's too thin for melted cheese
It's too thick to be just milk
So won't somebody tell me, please

What is that white stuff I'm consuming
Cause it's so consuming me

Well you know they'll never tell you
Cause then they'd have to kill you
There's a motherload of cheese-juice
That they found in Machu Pichu
In the temple of the Incas
There's a fountain flowing cheese dip
And then they smuggle it to Texas
And then they trick us with the free chips

It's mind control in a salsa bowl
I'm not even sure I remember how I got here

Well give me some of that white stuff on my nachos
It's too thin for melted cheese
It's too thick to be just milk
In its sublime consistency

What is that white stuff I'm consuming
Cause it's so consuming me

So this is sort of a love song
It's a kind of confession
As for me, ya see, I'm long gone
So consider this a lesson

They wanna make us into zombies
Lurch into La Hacienda
To gobble up the chimichangis
That isn't how you wanna end up
But Mexico remembers the Alamo
And the ghost of Montezuma's on the move

He's takin' over with the white stuff on my nachos
It's too thin for melted cheese
It's too thick to be just milk
So won't somebody tell me, please

What is that white stuff I'm consuming
Cause it's so consuming me

What is that white stuff won't somebody please
What is that white stuff won't somebody please
What is that white stuff
I don't care, just pass the cheese