I got a twelve-inch dick and a dozen roses
And a pickup truck
Hubba-hubba-hubba-hey

That's all I wrote of that one
That's all I figured I needed

Alright listen. Here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna sing this song together
I know you girls are going "I'm not singing: I got a twelve-inch dick, a dozen roses, a pickup truck, Hubba-hubba-hubba-hubba!" Yes you are
We're gonna pretend your boyfriend or your husband's got all three of those. You consider it yours, okay?
Everybody in the whole building, loud and proud. Here we go:

I got a twelve-inch dick and a dozen roses
And a pickup truck
Hubba-hubba-hubba-hey
I got it, that's important, you gotta get that:
Hubba-hubba-hubba-hey, let me hear it
Hubba-hubba-hubba-hey, horseshit
Hubba-hubba-hubba-hey, horseshit, do it again
Hubba-hubba-hubba-hey

There you go, fuck, goddamn, like people act like I'm asking you to do fucking push-ups for God's...
Is there a gas leak in this fucking place? What's wrong with you people?
Alright, boys, close your eyes, don't say a word, daddy's gonna buy you a little mockingbird, okay?
Girls, you're gonna do this all by your little lonesome. You are
And you're gonna sing it pretty. Pretty, like Rodney likes it. Like this:
"I got a twelve-inch dick and a dozen roses…"
Pretty, not like: "I GOT A TWELVE-INCH DICK…"
I don't want you singing like some drunk hillbilly in the shower washing her pooty-poo somewhere
I want you singing like a church choir that's been together for a long damn time
Boys, listen to this, you'll love it. Girls, if you ain't got no nuts underneath that skirt. Get your ass to sing it:

"I got a twelve-inch dick and a dozen roses
And a pickup truck
Hubba-hubba-hubba-hey"

That's half ass!
Girls sound like you're some camp somewhere or something. How'd you like to walk up on that campsite boys
"Hi girls! Got some roses in the truck. I don't have that other thing you're looking for, but I know a fella."
Alright boys, your turn:

"I got a twelve-inch dick and a dozen roses
And a pickup truck
Hubba-hubba-hubba-hey"

Fuck, you sound like you've been on a naval ship for twelve months
"I see the pussy captain!"
You know what, you're gonna sing that song on the way home
It's easy to remember when you're drunk
I'll tell you something else, the girls will start singing it first. They'll throw one other word in there that we didn't intend on:

"I wish I had a twelve-inch dick and a dozen roses
And a pickup truck
Hubba-hubba-hubba-hey"
I sang that song to my mama. She said, "I can do without the roses and the truck."
Goddamn, she's funny!