[Verse 1]
Early Christmas morning, sneaky as can be
I creep across the carpet and I peek under the tree
Pick out a gift from Mom to me, bring it to my ear
Give it a little shimmy-shake and what do I hear?

[Refrain 1]
Socks!
(Tube socks)

[Chorus 1]
This is the worst gift I ever got
It doesn't beep or buzz or bop or rattle in the box
Hey, why'd you waste the paper on a lousy pair of socks?

[Verse 2]
Tip-toe to the mantle, a scowl upon my brow
I reach up to my stocking hanging from a holly bough
I reach right in and feel around for Santa Claus's loot
But all I find is something there to insulate my boots

[Refrain 2]
Socks!
(Knee-high)

[Chorus 2]
Santa, how could you let me down?
It doesn't slip or slide or spring or make a sound that rocks
Hey, why'd you stuff my stocking with a lousy pair of socks?
[Verse 3]
O Moms and Dads across the land, be careful what you do
Your girls and boys might ball 'em up and toss 'em back at you
And next time when old Santa comes and the evening's getting late
Instead of milk and cookies I will leave upon his plate

[Refrain 3]
Socks!
(Argyle)

[Chorus 1]
This is the worst gift I ever got
It doesn't beep or buzz or bop or rattle in that box
Why'd you waste the paper on a lousy pair of socks?