[Chorus]
He wants a shoehorn, the kind with teeth
People should get beat up for stating their beliefs
He wants a shoehorn, the kind with teeth
'Cause he knows there's no such thing

[Verse 1]
He asks a girl
If they can both sit in a chair
But he doesn't get nervous
She's not really there

[Chorus]
He wants a shoehorn, the kind with teeth
'Cause he knows there's no such thing

[Verse 2]
Tour the world
In a heavy metal band
But they run out of gas
The plane can never land

[Chorus]
He wants a shoehorn, the kind with teeth
People should get beat up for stating their beliefs
He wants a shoehorn, the kind with teeth
'Cause he knows there's no such thing
[Verse 3]
What's the sense
In ever thinking 'bout the tomb
When you're much too busy
Returning to the womb?

[Chorus]
He wants a shoehorn, the kind with teeth
People should get beat up for stating their beliefs
He wants a shoehorn, the kind with teeth
'Cause he knows there's no such thing