Endicott's up by 5 o'clock
Endicott's givin' it all he got
Endicott's job is six to nine
Endicott's home by 9:05
Endicott helps to cook the steak
Endicott helps to wash the plates
Endicott puts the kids to bed
Endicott reads a book to them

Why can't you be like Endicott?

Endicott loves Tribena so
Endicott put her on a pedestal
Endicott's wish is her command but
Endicott don't make no demands
Endicott's always back in time
Endicott's not the cheatin' kind
Endicott's full of compliment
Endicott's such a gentleman

Why can't you be like Endicott?

'Cause I'm free
Free of any made-to-order liabilities
Thank God, I'm free
'Cause it's hard enough for me to take care of me, oh, oh
Endicott's carryin' a heavy load but
Endicott never really ever moans
Endicott's not a wealthy guy but
Endicott pays the bills on time
Endicott's got ideas and plans
Endicott's what you call a real man
Endicott always will provide 'cause
Endicott is the family type

Why can't you be like Endicott?

'Cause I'm free
Freer than a pirate on a frigate out at sea
Thank God, I'm free
Driftin' all around just like a tumbleweed, oh, oh
Maybe I need me someone, someone who isn't undone
Maybe an older woman will tolerate me
Maybe that certain someone, older and wiser woman
Maybe the perfect someone to satisfy me for sure

Endicott keeps his body clean
Endicott don't use nicotine
Endicott don't drink alcohol
Endicott use no drug at all
Endicott don't eat any sweet
Endicott don't eat piggy feet
Endicott's frame is mighty strong
Endicott make love hard and long
Why can't you be like Endicott?

Endicott loves Tribena so
Endicott walks her to the sto'
Endicott likes to hold her hand
Endicott's proud to be her man
Endicott stands for decency
Endicott means formality
Endicott's the epitome
Endicott stands for quality

Endicott
Endicott
Endicott
Endicott
Endicott
Endicott
Endicott
Endicott

I'll never be
I'll never be like Endicott
I'll never be
I'll never be like Endicott
No Endicott in me
Ease up, ease up, ease up
Ease up, ease up
Pass on it, baby
Don't mean maybe
Ease up, ease up, ease up
Ease up, ease up
Pass on it, baby
Don't mean maybe
I'll never be
I'll never be like Endicott
No Endicott in me