Now there once was a young man, and he came to the big city
Seeking a lucrative position commensurate with his talents
And he walked the streets all day and he couldn't find a job
Till at last he secured employment working in a stone quarry with all the other college graduates

And one evening after work, they lured him into a saloon
And they urged him to drink a glass of beer
But he said he wouldn't do it for he'd made a promise to his mother
That he'd never touch a glass containing an alcoholic beverage

Well, they laughed and they jeered, they called him a coward
Till at last he raised and drained the fatal glass
And when he'd seen what he had done, he dashed the glass against the bar
And rushed from the saloon with a terrible case of delirium tremens

And the first one that he saw was a Salvation Army lady
And with one kick he broke her tambourine
While all she said was "Heaven bless you", and placed a mark upon his brow
With a kick she had learned before she was saved

So the moral of this story is to shun the fatal glass
And don't go around kicking other people's tambourines