I was just sitting there eating a salmonella sandwich
When a man walked up to me
"Would you mind, dear sir, if I asked you a question?
If music be the food of love, are you the indigestion?"
Wo-oh ippee ay oh

Found myself standing 'mongst a score or so of ageing grans and granddads
When a frail voice asked of me:
"Would you mind, dear boy, I just can't stand all this tension
Please let me in front of you so I can cash me pension"
No-oh ippee ay oh

Frank was going through a state of depression in his bedroom
When he reached out for the jar
He swallowed every last pill and he lay back on his duvet
A Haliborange overdose is perhaps not the right way
To ooh-ooh, to kill yourself

Down beside the babbling brook
I was trying to sketch myself a stallion
When the stallion said to me:
"That's the third biro that you've broke and all day I cannot wait
You can lead a horse to water but a pencil must be lead mate"
Ooh-ooh said the stallion

Me and my girl – sealclubbing
Me and my girl – out on the ice
Me and my girl – sealclubbing
Me and my girl – ooh paradise