[Verse 1]
I'm a U.S. male, ’cause I was born
In a Missouri town on a Sunday morn'
Now, Missouri just happens to occupy a place
In the midwestern portion of this here United States
And that's a matter of fact, buddy
And you know it well
So I just call myself the U.S. Male
That’s M-A-L-E, son, that's me

[Verse 2]
Now I said all that, and I'll say all this
I've been watchin' the way you've been watchin' my miss
For the last three weeks you've been hot on her trail
And you’ve kinda upset this U.S. male
You touch her once with your greasy hands
I’m gonna stretch your neck like a long rubber band
She's wearin’ a ring that I bought her on sale
That makes her the property of this U.S. male

[Chorus]
You better not mess with the U.S. male, my friend
The U.S. male gets mad, he's gonna do you in
If you know what's good for yourself, son
You better find somebody else, son
Don't tamper with the property of the U.S. male
Alright, do you read me? Hit it!
[Verse 3]
Through the rain, and the heat, and sleet, and snow
This U.S. male is on his toes
So quit watching my woman, ’cause that ain't wise
Soon you'll be watching my fist heading right for your eyes
Yeah, I catch you 'round my woman, champ
I'm gonna leave your head 'bout the shape of a stamp
Kinda flattened out, so you'll do well
To quit playin' games with this U.S. male

[Chorus]
You better not mess with the U.S. male, my friend
The U.S. male gets mad, he's gonna do you in
If you know what's good for yourself, son
You better find somebody else, son
Don't tamper with the property of the U.S. male

[Outro]
Alright boys, put some meat over here
Get that jelly pepper [?] That's right, get him!
I'm gonna tell you like it is, son
I catch you messin' with that woman of mine
I'm gonna lay one on ya
You're talkin' to the U.S. male
The American U.S. male