[Intro: Jerry Reed]
Boys
This is your national anthem, okay

[Verse 1: Jerry Reed]
I guess it was back in '63
When eatin' my cookin' got the better of me
And I asked this little girl I was goin' with to be my wife

She said she would so I said "I do"
But I'da said "I wouldn't" if I'da just knew
How sayin' "I do" was gonna screw up all of my life

Now the first few years weren't all that bad
I'll never forget the good times we had
Cause I'm reminded every month when I send her the child support

And it wasn't too long 'til the lust all died
And I'll admit I wasn't too surprised
The day I come home and found my suitcase sittin' out on the porch

Well I tried to get in and she changed the lock
And I seen this note on the mailbox that said
"So long turkey. My attorney will be in touch"

Well, I decided right then and there
I was gonna be a nice guy and give her her fair share
Just didn't know her share was gonna be quite that much
[Chorus: Jerry Reed]
Well she got the goldmine (She got the goldmine)
I got the shaft (I got the shaft)
They said they're splittin' it all down the middle
But she got the better half
That all sounds sorta funny
But it hurts too much to laugh
She got the goldmine, I got the shaft

[Verse 2L Jerry Reed]
Now listen boys, you ain't heard nothin' yet
They give her the color television set
Then they give her the house, and the kids and both of the cars

Next, they start talkin' about child support and alimony
And the cost of the court
It didn't take me long to see how far in the toilet I really was

And I'm tellin' you that they have made a mistake
Because it adds up to more than I make
And everything I got worth havin' they've already took

While she's livin' like a queen on alimony
I'm workin' two jobs eatin' baloney
Askin' myself, "Why didn't you just learn how to cook?"
[Chorus: Jerry Reed]
Well she got the goldmine (She got the goldmine)
And I got the shaft (I got the shaft)
They said they were splittin' it all down the middle
But she got the better half
That all sounds mighty funny
But it hurts too much to laugh
She got the goldmine and I got the shaft

[Interlude: Jerry Reed and Dolly Parton]
Wait a minute
Timeout, timeout
Nah wait a minute
Listen I want you to know that that's your side
What are you doing here?
We girls know that there's another side to this story
Right?
I'm gonna tell my tale

[Verse 3: Dolly Parton]
Okay, so I got the house where the floorboards creak
And a porch that sags and the beams are weak
And a roof that leaks like a faucet when it rains

Yeah and that color TV gets nothin' but snow
And the cars won't move without a tow
And I shoulda had him towed away if I had any brains
He's got no compassion, not even an ounce
Oh he might send a check, but I watch it bounce
And I know my alimony is lookin' mighty grim

Still I can take all that without any fear
If I didn't have to see his face around here
But them kids he left me Lord they're the spittin' image of him

[Chorus: Dolly Parton & Jerry Reed]
You call that a goldmine? (You got the goldmine)
I call that a shaft (I get the shaft)
Now I shoulda split him right down the middle What?
His so called better half
Yeah it might be kinda funny but it hurts to much to laugh
You call that a goldmine, I call it the shaft

[Bridge: Jerry Reed]
Now you've heard her side and you've heard mine
Now evidentially somebodies lyin'
Now I ask you
Ain't this an honest face?

[Chorus: Jerry Reed, Dolly Parton & Both]
Well, she got the goldmine, (She got the goldmine)
And I got the shaft (I got the shaft)
They said they were splittin' it all down the middle
Yeah but you got the better half
It all sounds mighty funny
Yeah but it hurts too much to laugh
You got the goldmine and I got the shaft
I said you got the goldmine and I got the shaft

[Outro: Dolly Parton]
What goldmine?