[Verse 1]
Did you read the mornin' paper?
If you did, I wonder if you read the note
Where the Coopers have announced
That they were movin' to the big old house next door
Well, they'll bring along their Cadillac, their sports car
And their big old fishin' boat
And she'll bring along binoculars
To keep an eye upon the simple folk

[Verse 2]
Well, you know they're pretty classy
And they just can't stand the sight of beer and gin
We oughta buy a case
And have it ready for the day that they move in
We oughta walk right over, pop a top
And say, "How are you folks doin'?"
Then watch Mrs. Cooper call the mayor
Tell him that the neighborhood's a ruin

[Verse 3]
Well, they have a dog that wears a coat and tie
And has some artificial teeth
He lives on steak and gravy
And there really ain't no tellin' where he sleeps
Mrs. Cooper has two maids
And says she simply cannot stand the sight of dirt
But not many people know
She has a brother doin' time in Leavenworth
[Verse 4]
Mrs. Cooper's daughter was an artist
And a most unruly little girl
They gave her $20,000, and she went off someplace she said
To see the world
But somebody said they saw her up in Greenwich Village
Not too long ago
And she was havin' folks to dinner
Like they have in recent motion picture shows

[Verse 5]
Mr. Cooper still complains
'Bout a bad leg that he picked up in the war
He made a fortune sellin' real estate
But really doesn't do much anymore
Ah yes, to be a wheeler dealer, yeah
Once he was the tiger of the town
Now, a little shot of morphine
Then they wheel him out to watch the sun go down

[Verse 6]
Well, our home is just a simple one
And people know we wouldn't harm a soul
The preacher is a friend of ours
And knows that we're not made of solid gold
But we might as well get ready
For a social revolution pretty soon
'Cause we're all invited out to tea
At Mrs. Cooper's Wednesday afternoon
[Outro]
Yeah, we're all invited out to tea
At Mrs. Cooper's Wednesday afternoon
Oh, we're all invited out to tea