If the lady's naughty but proper
If the lady's chicer than chic
If her escorts must wear a topper
And each man's the man of the week
If she rides around in a brand-new foreign car
The chances are
The lady's a star!

If the lady's brilliantly witty
If she makes the dialogue flash
If the lady's way with a ditty
Makes the ditty seem like a smash
If her songs add up to a fancy repertoire
The chances are
The lady's a star!

If her smallest party is really extensive
With tons of expensive
Caviar
If the lady's someone with the same credentials
Someone with the same essentials
Someone who is worshipped from afar
She's a genuine, positive, totally marvelous, perfectly wonderful star!

(Instrumental break)
And the lady's habits are utterly charming
Yet sometimes alarming
And bizarre
If the lady's someone with the same dimensions
Someone with the same pretentions
Someone known from Maine to Cooch Behar
She's a magical, glorious, radiant, glamorous, thoroughly fabulous star!