A fine romance, with no kisses
A fine romance, my friend, this is
We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes
But you're as cold as yesterday's mashed potatoes
A fine romance, you won't nestle
A fine romance, you won't wrestle
I might as well play bridge with my old maid aunts
I haven't got a chance
This is a fine romance

A fine romance, my good fellow
You take romance, I'll take Jello
You're calmer than the seals in the Arctic Ocean
At least they flap their fins to express emotion
A fine romance with no quarrels
With no insults and all morals
I've never mussed the crease in your blue serge pants
I never get the chance
This is a fine romance

A fine romance, with no kisses
A fine romance, my friend, this is
We two should be like clams in a dish of chowder
But we just fizz like parts of a Seidlitz powder
A fine romance, with no clinches
A fine romance, with no pinches
You're just as hard to land as the Ile de France
I haven't got a chance
This is a fine romance