(Spoken)
And now to the love song, I'm sure you're familiar with love songs on the order of "He's just my Bill," "my man," "my Joe," "my Max," and so on, where the girl who sings them tells you that although the man she loves is antisocial, alcoholic, physically repulsive, or just plain unsanitary, that, um, nevertheless, she is his because he is hers, and like that but, as far as I know, there has never been a popular song from the analogous male point of view, that is to say, of a man who finds himself in love with, or, in this case, married to, a girl who has nothing whatsoevеr to recommend her. I havе attempted to fill this need. The song is called "She's My Girl"

(Sung)
Sharks gotta swim, and bats gotta fly
I gotta love one woman till I die
To Ed or Dick or Bob
She may be just a slob
But to me, well
She's my girl

In winter, the bedroom is one large ice cube
And she squeezes the toothpaste from the middle of the tube!
Her hairs in the sink
Have driven me to drink
But she's my girl, she's my girl, she's my girl
And I love her

The girl that I lament for
The girl my money's spent for
The girl my back is bent for
The girl I owe the rent for
The girl I gave up Lent for
Is the girl that heaven meant for me

So though for breakfast she makes coffee that tastes like sham – poo
I come home for dinner and get peanut butter stew
Or, if I'm in luck
It's broiled hockey puck
But, oh well, what the hell
She's my girl
And I love her