(Spoken)
I'd like to take you now on wings of song as it were and try and help you forget, perhaps, for a while your drab wretched lives. Here is a song all about springtime in general, and in particular about one of the many delightful pastimes that the coming of spring affords us all:

(Sung)
Spring is here, a-suh-puh-ring is here
Life is skittles and life is beer
I think the loveliest time of the year is the spring
I do, don't you? 'Course you do
But there's one thing that makes spring completе for me
And makes evеry Sunday a treat for me

All the world seems in tune on a spring afternoon
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park
Every Sunday you'll see my sweetheart and me
As we poison the pigeons in the park

When they see us coming
The birdies all try an' hide
But they still go for peanuts
When coated with cyanide
The sun's shining bright
Everything seems all right
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park

We've gained notoriety and caused much anxiety
In the Audubon Society with our games
They call it impiety and lack of propriety
And quite a variety of unpleasant names
But it's not against any religion
To want to dispose of a pigeon
So if Sunday you're free, why don't you come with me?
And we'll poison the pigeons in the park
And maybe we'll do in a squirrel or two
While we're poisoning pigeons in the park

We'll murder them all amid laughter and merriment
Except for the few we take home to experiment
My pulse will be quickenin' with each drop of strych'nine
We feed to a pigeon
(It just takes a smidgin!)
To poison a pigeon in the park