[Intro]
"Dear 2 Dope
I was wondering if you could help me. I've been involved in a relationship for several years now, and I recently found out that my love had an affair with someone else. Well, I wanna stay with my love, but I feel hurt over this. Could you give me some advice?"

[Verse 1: Shaggy 2 Dope & Violent J]
Smack that bitch right across the lips
Boston crab 'til you break her hips
Beat that freak in the head with a cinder block
Blackin' her eyes, you lunatic-tock
'Cause I really don't gives a fuck
Except when I'm tryin' to put her in thе buck
Shit, I ain't said nothin'
Somebody left they load in hеr bellybutton
How you gonna say you love that
When her breath be smellin' like John Doe's nut sack
I oughta smack you in your fucking head
Should've shot that bitch in the back with nothin' said
But you nothin' but a pogo
Tryin' to fall in love but you can't love a yo-yo
She'll run and fuck then come right back
Then I greet her at the door with a smack
I'm psycho swingin'
'Til you hit her singin'

[Interlude]
I loved my woman, had another man
So I slapped her in the dome with a frying pan
[Interlude]
"Dear 2 Dope
I recently became involved with someone whom I care very much about. He feels we should be having sex now, but I don't know if I'm quite ready for that stage in our relationship. I don't wanna lose him, but I don't know if I'm ready to give myself up yet
What do you think?"

[Verse 2: Shaggy 2 Dope]
I think you's a dumb-ass bitch
In a minute he ain't even gonna want the shit
You need to shut your stuck-up mouth
Cause your pussy ain't worth the walk to your house
I'm tired of these dookie lies
You know your dream about his ugly-ass face between your thighs
'Cause you think it feels nice
All he wants to do is smack your ass once or twice
And make your butt crack jiggle
Then stick his little ding-a-ling in the middle (Ooh)
I suppose you can wait for a weddin'
But ain't nothin' wrong with givin' up a little neden
But if you really wanna hold on the coochie
At least let him stick his nuts in your booty
Or work something else out
Like, maybe let him chill with his nuts in your mouth
But if not, well thats alright
'Cause he'll just fuck some other bitch tonight, yo

[Interlude: Violent J]
"Yeah, 2 Dope is the mother fuckin' shit, y'all
You need some advice? Send it to his ass first class
And he'll do you right. You know what I'm sayin?
'Cause bitches be linin' up to juggle his nuts
And stick 'em in their butts
But only the ugly, fat sewer skanks
Be gettin to do the nasty with the mother Shaggy"
[Interlude]
"Dear 2 Dope
Yes, I was wondering, could you please send me some advice on how to enjoy longer-lasting passionate sexual intercourses. Could you please let me in on some of your deepest, darkest secrets. Please, I really wish to know."

[Verse 3: Shaggy 2 Dope & Violent J]
Roll a pound of chocolate Thai
And smoke that shit until you die
Puffin on the sess (Sess)
Takin' off her dress (Dress)
Slap her titties up and down
Do they bounce? (Yes!)
Good! Get some Red Bull
And pour it on her bootie hole
Did she yell "What the fuck?" (Yes!)
You did it right
So turn the bitch over and punch her in the eye
Some bitches like it this way, but I don't know why
But some will hit you back; you must watch out for that
Cause if you with a gangsta bitch, you ain't gettin jack (Aww)
How to keep your nut? (Yeah) Well, I got a secret (What is it?)
But if I'm tellin' you, you got to promise that you'll keep it (Shh)
Get you some Faygo and pour it in a bowl
And let your nuts soak in it (What?) Just kiddin' (Oh)
And that is all, your lesson for today
If you can't get it right, you's a punk-ass bitch!