[Intro]
"Ooh, I like this toy. Watch it go. Uw...wait!" *gunshots*
"We're sorry the person you are calling is dead"

[Verse 1: Violent J]
I was like six, I used to get dissed by the chicks
And everyone would chase me and hit me with bricks
And rocks and sticks and calling me names
And fill my lunchbox with frog brains, ew!
When I left school, it was much iller
My daddy was a serial killer
And how about that, he always made me sit in the back
With all his dead bodies on my lap, move!
When I got home, enough of the static
Hammer and tools and up to the attic
Never knew any other girls or boys
Only my toys, toys, toys
Bang, clang, hammer and twist
Nobody knows I exist, and I'm pissed
But I won't be mentally scarred
Instead I make toys, toys of the graveyard
Monday, ring of the bell
It's all about show and tell, might as well
Show all these bastards just what I got
Yo, check out my toy box!
(Aah! Turn it off! Aah!)

"Nothing feels better than a good hardy-har-har, right, boys and girls?"

[Verse 2: Violent J]
We got dead bodies everywhere you look
All the nerds sittin' up front got cooked
Others start screaming and making a dash
So I start handing out toys fast, at last
You like slinkies? We got slinkies
Only mine like to wrap around your face
And stretch, twist, kazoom
And whip your body all over the fuckin' room
So come, one at a time
Open your gift and what you will find
Is a toy, my friend, that you'll never forget
It's not every day that you get your skull split
You like soldiers? We got soldiers
Made with rubber and steel, they look real
But I wouldn't just toss 'em under your bed
That's how you get an axe to the forehead
Oh, and don't let 'em sit around all day
Come home and find you mom, dead in the hallway
'Cause they can be nifty
All the toys are shifty, hehe, in my toy box
(Turn it off! No! Turn it off! Aah!)

"Woowee, that sure sounds like fun!"

[Verse 3: Violent J]
That's not a toy, hey, wait a minute
Don't fuck around, homie, you can lose an eye with it
That's my double blade razor whip chop Jimmy
And it's mine, mother fucker, so gimme gimme
You want toys, you come to the right place
Try my little toy, Mutilating Mental Case
Wind him up, let him go among all of ya
Then BANG! Serial slaughterer
Your turn, reach in and get lucky
Oh look, he pulled out a rubber ducky
*Squeak squeak* It make a funny sound, man
Then BANG! Blew the fingers off his fuckin' hand
Won't stop, class ain't done yet
I remember you calling me poindext
Bookworm brainy, my aggravation
Went into these little creations
Reach in, you might find something wicked
Wicked, scary, chop bang pickadairy
Off with your head, a robot with a sword
And now he's looking at me, but what for?
"W-wait a, wait a minute, I made you. Get them, not me. W-wait a minute, motherfucker!"

(Aah! Turn it off! No! Turn it off!)

[Outro]
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh I love this record
(Ha ha ha ha! Woo hoo! No! Aah! Turn it off!)
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh I love this record
(Ha ha ha ha! Woo hoo! No! Aah!)
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh I love this (Turn it off!)
(Ha ha ha ha! Woo hoo! No! Aah! Turn it off!)
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh I love this record
(Ha ha ha ha! Woo hoo! No! Aah!)
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh I love this (Turn it off!)
(Ha ha ha ha! Woo hoo! No! Aah! Turn it off!)
(Ha ha ha ha! Woo hoo! No! Aah! Turn it off!)
(Ha ha ha ha! Woo hoo! No! Aah! Turn it off!)
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh I love this record
(Ha ha ha ha! Woo hoo! No! Aah!)
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh I love this (Turn it off!)

[Skit: Shaggy 2 Dope & Violent J]
"Tell me why. Why do feel like you should still be together with Lisa?"
"Sure. C-come on, man. Our relationship ain't all weak and shit. You know, I mean... I mean just because she's dead we should just break up or somethin'? Fuck that!"
"Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, listen to me, she's dead, man. You gotta move on."
"So what? So she's dead. Does that make you fresher than her?"
"I didn't say that..."
"I don't think so! So she don't talk as much. And she really don't move around a lot. She's still fresh! She's still fun to be around. Y-yeah you're just prejudiced."
"Huh?"
You're prejudiced against dead people."
"Huh? Oh man, you really are one sick bastard, Tommy."
"Yeah? Fook oof."
"What?"
"Fook oof."
"What the fuck is that? What does that mean?"
"It means fook oof"
"Man, you fuckin' lost it."
"Yeah? Fuck off!"