[Intro]
Ferris wheels and bumper cars are fun
But those rides just aren't for everyone
Bought my ticket I'ma have a run
In the maze (Woo!)
If I don't come back or right away
Give me time at least a half a day
Don't just leave me lost and thrown away
In the maze (Woo!)

[Legz Diamond & Jamie Madrox]
Hello ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jeff Nipple
And I'm Jimbo Jizm
Welcome to the Dark Carnival's amazing maze
Over 5000 ways to get in, and no way out
Let's meet today's volunteer
This is Rick
We like to call him Rick the Dick
Dickface here is a wealthy entrepreneur
Who smacks his wife around
And buys his way in and out of everything
Let's see how Mr. Toughguy fares up in the amazing maze

[Verse 1: Violent J & Shaggy 2 Dope]
What up bitch? I'm Violent J
I'll be your guide for today, k?
Good, got mad doors and mad floors
Hallways, crawlways, walls for days
Make a left, just before you make a right
And your left should be to your right if your left's right
Right? Good, begin the show
Go on ahead, boy, and open up the first door
Welcome to a theatrical thriller
Meet Jack Doobie, a serial killer
With a chainsaw, he takes your arm at the elbow
You get it back if you make it out, though
Fuck, ain't no use crying all day
You need to take your bitch ass back down the hallway
You gotta be a man, at least you learned
Everything you get in the maze you've earned
Keep runnin', time's a tickin' on the clock
You might wanna tie that stump up with a sock
Turn right it might look the same
But you makin tracks through the room of thumbtacks
This really ain't shit
About a million tacks and the room spins a bit
If you stay on your feet you'll be okay
Ha ha ha- oh let me get out of your way
[Legz Diamond & Jamie Madrox]
Oh boy Rick the Dick is in a bit of a jam there, Jeff
That's right, Jimbo
He looks like a ragdoll flippin and spinnin like that
You can always witness spectacles truly amazing
Within the amazing maze
Let's see where else Rick's adventures
Will lead the little dickwipe

[Verse 2: Violent J, female voice, Jamie Madrox]
Hahaha, so you got a few tacks in your balls
Pick 'em all out and head right back down the halls
What's this? Dead end, doors locked
It's a long way back, just knock
*Knock, knock, knock* *Door opens*
*Gunshots*
Oh should've turned around, no doubt
Ain't nothin' that we got to sit and argue about
Keep going, make a left, right left
Now run straight ahead some more, open up the door
Slide in the sheets, nice breeze
Relax, ninja, take it with ease
The maze is a place of magic
Many surprises, your dick rises
Lay down, expect the best
In comes your lover with a hairy chest
Hello, sexy, I'm Grim Love
Let me have a look at your, uh, milk dud
Aww shit you fell for that
I ain't gonna tell you got your o-ring tapped
All that dissin' of the opposite sex
And look who just got they butthole flexed
Wait! What's that?
The walls are closing in, fuck that
Hurry run for your life
Oh, he'll be alright
[Legz Diamond & Jamie Madrox]
How's that sit with you, Jimbo?
First he gets plugged with bullets
Then he gets his butt plugged
I think he's a fucking idiot, Jeff
I mean what kind of asshole
Can't find his way out of this maze?
You gotta be a real dickbuffer
To wind up here in the first place
Right you are, Jimbo
Let's watch the big dick fuck up some more

[Verse 3: Violent J & Shaggy 2 Dope]
Alrighty ain't no need to fear
If there's a way out, it's gotta be near
Hey yo look, a phone
You still got one good arm so it's on
Can you hear?
Ahh! tongue in your ear
Drop it, the phone's got a life of it's own
"Kiss me, man, hey, come on"
Slip down the slide, go faster
Bed of nails, disaster
Quit screamin', yo
Hurry the fuck up and open the door
Woods, trees you outside
Lots of places for creeps to hide
Watch your step, aah! Beartrap!
Caught your foot, and the ankle snapped
Break it off at the stump
Felt something in the rump
Hunters? Yeah, they gonna get you
How does it feel, bitch, get the picture?
Back indoors hey at last
Look at your family behind the glass
They look weird, they're sayin something, listen up
"You fucked up! you fucked up!"
Ooh, they're laughin' and they're pointing at you
At least you know what they're sayin's true
It's one last door you made it home, or
Or what? Once again it's on
[Outro]
Ferris wheels and bumper cars are fun
But those rides just aren't for everyone
Bought my ticket I'ma have a run
In the maze (Woo)
If I don't come back or right away ("Hey!")
Give me ti-
"Hey man cut that shit
What the fuck man, happy friendly shit man
Fuck that
It's supposed to be wicked in this bitch, man
Turn that shit off"