[Pre-Chorus]
Have you seen my sister Evelyn?
Dang she's gone and wandered off again
I've been looking high and low
Where oh where'd my sister go?

[Chorus]
She's been known to spend some time
With a sailor friend of mine
I called him up, and what'd he say?
“I ain't seen that girl today.”

So if you see my sister Evelyn
Tell that girl to hurry home again
Where oh where'd my sister Evelyn go?

[Verse 1]
Is she with the doctor or the plumber
Or the dentist, or the handyman?
Did she go to India or Africa
Or Wichita, or Pakistan?
Did she go join the Navy, or go completely crazy
Or is she playing a trick on me?

Did she run off with the barber, the professor
Or the banker, or the clergyman?
Is it possible that she could be in Timbuktu
Or Kathmandu or Vegas or Uzbekistan?
She learning how to do-do
The Chattanooga Choo Choo?
Oh, golly, where could that girl be?
[Pre-Chorus]
Have you seen my sister Evelyn?
Dang she's gone and wandered off again
I've been looking high and low
Where oh where'd my sister go?

[Chorus]
She's been known to jump a train
With a gal we know from down the lane
I looked her up, and what'd she say?
“I ain't seen that girl in days.”

So if you see my sister Evelyn
Tell that girl to hurry home again
Where oh where'd my sister Evelyn go?

[Verse 2]
Is my floozy sister with the doctor
Or the drummer
Or the dentist, or the handyman?
Did that ho-bag quit her job and run off
With that dick-head Mike
To Indio, Guantánamo
Or Panama or Disneyland?

Is she studying Kabbalah?
Did she win a million dollars?
Or is she dead in a ditch somewhere?
[Chorus]
So if you see my sister Evelyn
Tell that girl to hurry home again

[Outro]
Where oh where
Where oh where
Where oh where
Where oh where

Where oh where'd my sister Evelyn go?