[Verse 1]
I ain't been drinkin', but if I was drinkin'
I think I'd be drinkin' bourbon
And right now you'd be a blur
And I wouldn't hear a word
'Cause I'd be good and drunk, that's for certain

[Verse 2]
I ain't been smokin', but if I was smokin'
I know I'd be smokin' weed
When you blow all our money
I'd laugh, it'd be funny
'Cause high as a kite is where I'd be

[Bridge]
I love you, baby
But sometimes, baby
You dance on my last nerve
And I get an insane kind of urge

[Instrumental Break]

[Verse 3]
I ain't been cheatin', but if I was cheatin'
That's right I'd be cheatin' on you
I am just daydreaming
Thank God I ain't been cheatin'
'Cause if I was, I'd be losing you
[Punchline]
I ain't been drinkin', smokin', or cheatin'
'Cause if I was, I'd be losing you