It's the most frightening thing in the world
It's the scariest sight I've ever seen
The most chilling visual
The most terrifying scene
It's awful, it's crappy, it's monstrous, it's bad

It's really really huge
It's a fat man in a Speedo
I'm walking on a beach in a tropical isle
Hoping to enjoy the sand and surf
When I see a mound of baby-oiled flesh
Rolling and a broiling in the foam

The only thing that's holding this
Explosion of Caucasian is
A tiny red synthetic coloured thread
I try to sink it in the sand

And entomb it in a castle but
It always manages to break free
The fat man in a Speedo
I'm having nightmares

I'm scared to open my eyes
I try to free myself
By going to the buffet
But there he is

He even eats in his Speedo
I take up a collection at the bar the next day
And everybody gives to the cause
To rent a helicopter that will take this whale

To Cuba and free the horizon from his bulk
We have a celebration
In one of his indentations
And throw a bowl of jello in the air

We think we've escaped and our scenery is clear
But in comes a plane from Germany
Thirty fat German men wearing Speedos!