Billy solve his problems with by calling up his mom
Heather solves her problems with drugs and alcohol
Daniel solves his problems with a doctor and the law
But Malcolm's got his own way, it's better than them all

'Cause Malcolm solves his problems with a chain-saw
Malcolm solves his problems with a chain-saw
Malcolm solves his problems with a chain-saw
And he never has the same problem twice

Whether it's a bill or a cheque arriving late
Rancid marble cheese or a steak that's second rate
Awful TV programs or a broken Elvis plate
Or his fiancé who dumps him because he's gaining weight

Malcolm solves his problems with a chain-saw
Malcolm solves his problems with a chain-saw
Malcolm solves his problems with a chain-saw
And he never has the same problem twice

And he goes VRRRRRMMM VRRRRRMMM
Problem solved!