The table's set ant the turkey's out
Christmas is here, let out a shout
The family's gathered all about
Christmas, Christmas is here!
Everyone is wearing big smiles
They all try to act nice for a while
Then George calls his in-laws vile
Christmas, Christmas is here!

Always at one time of the year
When everyone's problems disappear
And everyone smiles from ear to ear
Christmas, Christmas is here!

George has been drinking a lot
He just can't keep out of the sauce
He says his wife's been screwing her boss
Christmas, Christmas is here!
Margaret throws her food in his face
People are hungry, it's really a waste
Then she screams, "How does that taste?"
Christmas, Christmas is here!

Always at one time of the year
When everyone's problems disappear
And everyone smiles from ear to ear
Christmas, Christmas is here!

George picks up the carving knife
Weilds it around and starts to slice
Henry cocks his shotgun twice
Christmas, Christmas is here!
Henry says, "Hey, what's the deal?
Just sit down and finish your meal
Or I'll pump you full of steel!"
Christmas, Christmas is here!

Always at one time of the year
When everyone's problems disappear
And everyone smiles from ear to ear
Christmas, Christmas is here!
Police arrive just after eight
Responding to a noise complaint
Open the door, what a grisly fate
Christmas, Christmas is here!
Fa la la and deck the halls
Blood was spattered on the walls
Merry Christmas, one and all!
Christmas, Christmas is here!

Always at one time of the year
When everyone's problems disappear
And everyone smiles from ear to ear
Christmas, Christmas is here!

Always at one time of the year
When everyone's problems disappear
And everyone smiles from ear to ear
Christmas, Christmas is here!