[Verse 1]
If I had my own way, you'd be with me here today
But I rarely have my own way, I guess that's why you're not here with me today
And the librarian said 'You can't buy no respect'
I said, ‘Hey, lady, what can you expect
When I'm lying on the floor?’

[Verse 2]
You're a lovely lady but you don't wanna be no girl of mine
Well the only thing you ever done for me was help me waste my time
And I saw you at the funeral
You were standing there like a temple
I said ‘Hi! How are you? Hello!’
And I pulled up a casket and crawled in. yes, I did

[Bridge]
Climbed up a mountain and I looked around
Some kind of circus with all them clowns
I said hey wait a minute can we slow down a bit
And I almost got hit by a truck
Well it just goes to show ya that we're all on our own
Scrounging for our own share of good luck
Stab your brother in the back
And pick up your paycheck

[Verse 3]
Good-bye lonely heart drawings, you never did work anyhow
I'm looking for a nice girl and I don't want no cow
I'm heading out west
Gonna find me the best
Well, I played the game but I failed the test
If I can't be a lover then I'll be a pest. yes, I will