[Verse 1]
I went into a restaurant as hungry as a bear
And like a raving maniac I grabbed the bill of fare
The waiter said, "What will you have?" "Give me a steak" I say
He took my order in his head and slowly walked away

[Chorus]
And he never came back
He never came back
Though I waited an hour or more
His face I will break
If he don't bring that steak
When we meet on that beautiful shore

[Verse 2]
Now, Jay he lived down on the farm come in to see the town
Registered at Smith's Hotel as Mr. Hayseed Brown
Now, Jay he has, we all do know, had a beard as green as grass
Took off his boots, jumped into bed and then blew out the gas

[Chorus]
And he never came back
He never came back
And as they broke down the door
Well, the last words he said
Just before he dropped dead
Were "We'll meet on that beautiful shore"
[Verse 3]
I went to a circus show, I took my mother-in-law
She laughed at ev'rything she saw 'til she nearly broke her jaw
Close by I saw a big balloon that proved to be my friend
I threw her in and cut the ropes, and up she did ascend

[Chorus]
And she never came back
She never came back
Though we waited for six days or more
There's one thing I know
I will go down below
If we meet on that beautiful shore