Todd Snider
Ballad of the Kingsmen
[Verse 1]
The Kingsmen came together in a garage
They could hardly even play
But they practiced night and day
And pretty soon they got to where they could really play that song "Louie, Louie"
So, they saved up all the money from the shows
Went in to one of them studios
And gave their version of the song a try

[Verse 2]
Now, I don't know the words to that song "Louie, Louie"
And I'm pretty sure the singer for the Kingsmen didn't know 'em either
If he did know 'em he didn't get 'em right on the record
'Cause on the record they sound jumbled in his jaw
Says, "Me think of me girl oh so constantly
"Ahmayaaah makaaaah aahh ooohoooh aaaaah"

[Verse 3]
Well, that last part scared everybody from the PTA to the FBI
You see, the kids had been goin' kind of crazy lately and it seemed like nobody could figure out why
So they decided to form a coalition
Launch an investigation
You know, for the children, they at least had to try
To figure out the words to "Louie, Louie"

[Chorus]
It's the feel good hit of this endless summer
It gets these kids out of control
Singin' along to that star spangled bummer
Hail, hail, rock and roll
[Verse 4]
Marilyn Manson's real name isn't even "Marilyn Manson"
He's a skinny public high school kid from Florida, not some monster from out of this world
And like of a lot other skinny long haired public high school kids, he was sick of getting beaten up by the pulling guard all week only to go out on the weekend and watch the quarterback get all the girls
So he formed a band, man
Now he gets all the girls

[Verse 5]
A few years later a couple of latchkey kids go tragically mad and everybody's standing around the television store at the mall trying to figure out what went wrong
This guy says, "You think the life of a kid going to high school could've gotten so bad?"
This other guy says "Nah, it's just the words to one of them goddamn Marilyn Manson songs, you know the one"

[Chorus]
It's the feel good hit of this endless summer
It gets these kids out of control
Singin' along to that star spangled bummer
Hail, hail, rock and roll

[Verse 6]
You know, every ten years or so, our country and some other little country, we start firing all of our newest weapons at each other
For some reason or another, right or wrong, like it or not
It happens
And when it happens people get shot
And when people get shot they show it on TV a lot
Every night at six o'clock
And you don't even have to be eighteen to see it
You don't even have to be in first grade
First grade, where they teach the kid the pride
They tell him he'll need to thrive
In a world where they say that only the strong will survive
So he's taught the art of more
To compare to and to keep score
Monday through Friday while he stares at the floor
'Til Sunday, they make him go to school once more
Only this time they make him wear a suit and a tie
And listen to some guy
Who claims to know where people go when they die
Tell him that only the meek are gonna inherit the earth
Well shit, by this time the kid doesn't know what anything is worth
[Verse 7]
Now brothers and sisters, I am only one guy
And I don't even know the words to that song "Louie Louie"
But I can tell you right now without battin' an eye
That the next time some latchkey kid goes wrong
It ain't gonna be 'cause that Eminem gets to say the word "fag" in his song
And I'm not trying to preach to ya either
I'm just trying to sing to ya too, you know string a few words together

[Outro]
Hey kids
Let's get it on
Let's get it on