[Verse 1]
Bruce Campbell is the finest man to grace a silver screen
All the other actors just degrade his noble scenes
The Oscars should award him for his wondrous career
Hold a town parade for him with each movie premiere

[Chorus 1]
Bruce Campbell (Bruce Campbell)
We're gonna be best friends
Gonna come to your house and watch Hercules
From season 1 till the end
I'll hand you everything I own
And you'll sign it all for me
Then we'll start rehearsing for
Cave Alien 3

[Verse 2]
Bruce Lorne Campbell should be offered every lead
Imagine him as Spider-Man, a finer choice indeed
Casablanca could’ve been improved if Campbell would’ve said
Here’s lookin’ at you…you primitive screw-head

[Chorus 2]
Bruce Campbell (Bruce Campbell)
Dert dert da dert dert dert
Gonna come to your house and put Xena on
And not sleep till it's done
I got the whole box set for
Brisco County, too
I love you and to prove it's true
I'm gonna play a kazoo
[Kazoo solo]

[Verse 3]
Bruce "Ash" Campbell is a truly stellar man
He bravely fought the deadites but a chainsaw took his hand
Coincidentally, I have one I barely ever use
I’ll saw it off and ship it to the charming, handsome Bruce

[Chorus 3]
Bruce Campbell (Bruse Campbell)
I need the measurements for your chin
Gonna get me a jawbone implant
And I'm gonna be your twin
Then I'll get me a tattoo of your face
And put it right on my...face
Then we'll fly into outer space and...
Hey Bruce, where are you going?

[Chorus 4]
Bruce Campbell (gonna find you)
You can't hide from me
I found your house on Google maps
And just watched you go pee
When I find you, I'm gonna clone you
Take your DNA against your will
I'll make 8,000 Bruce Campbells
To build Bruce Campbellville
Bruce!