[Verse 1]
Picture an elderly lady peeking through her blinds
You wave her a friendly hello, while she glares with judging eyes
Her glasses held by chains on pointy 1960s frames
They help her see your faults as she's squinting with disdain
A retired English teacher with an overwhelming fragrance
Still alive, too stubborn to die, and death don't have the patience
She has more cats than children by an order of magnitude
And whenever she loses at bingo, she takes it out on you

[Skit 1]

Calls the cops on her rotary phone
Every time you try to mow the lawn

[Pre-Chorus]
Close your blinds, lock your doors (Evil wench)
I mind my business, now you mind yours (Nosy bitch)
Keep to yourself and stay off my grass (Cranky hag)
Now get off my porch and get off my ass (Yeah!)

[Chorus]
Get off my ass
Go back inside
Stay in your home
Leave me alone
Get off my ass (get off my ass!)
Go back inside (Go back inside!)
Stay in your home. (Stay in your home!)
Leave me alone
(Leave me alone)

[Verse 2]
Imagine a jerk in his 40s
In front of the broke down house that he rents
Not all that bright, chugging Natural Light
Flicking cigarette butts over your fence
Screaming all day at his beat up truck that he always fails to repair
More stains on his shirt than teeth in his mouth
And he doesn't seem to care
A former high school quarterback
With delusions of long past glory
Blasts '80s crap from his Pontiac
As he tells you his whole life story
He parks and blocks my driveway
Then dumps his cup of tobacco spit
Setting fireworks off after midnight?
I'm about to lose my sh...temper

[Skit 2]

Mows his lawn at 2 AM (I shit you not)
He likes me, but I hate him
Deadbeat dad, he doesn't pay child support
He looks like Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force (huh... yeah!)
[Pre-Chorus 2]
Close your blinds, lock your doors (Fucking hick!)
I mind my business, now you mind yours (Stupid douche!)
Keep to yourself and stay off my grass (Eat a dick!)
Now get off my porch and get off my ass

[Chorus]
Get off my ass
Go back inside
Stay in your home
Leave me alone
Get off my ass (get off my ass!)
Go back inside (Go back inside!)
Stay in your home. (Stay in your home!)
Leave me alone

Leave me alone
Leave me alone
Leave me alone
Leave me alone

[Skit 3]

We all hate the HOA
All the homes they look the same
The mortgage states the house belongs to me
You need to chill the fuck out and get off of my property
[Skit 4]

Some are so friendly but
Some of them are enemies
Makes me neurotic and keeps me on guard
Battling those neighbors with tolerant diplomacy
Tempts me to empty my bleach on their yard

[Outro]
I pour bleach on your yard
(I) Spelled "bitch" on your lawn
(Yeah) that's right
Fuck your grass
Loathe thy neighbor