[Verse 1]
Give me lots of money
A house up on a hill
Send me pretty women
Or threaten me and still

[Verse 2]
I'll come out to your house
And attempt to fix your sink
Do a mediocre job
As I'm leaving you will think

[Chorus 1]
If you're needing something, you know that I'll be gone
I will not answer if you call
If you're waiting for me, then you'll be waiting long
I can't be counted on at all

[Verse 3]
My eye is on the pork
The pork is in the pan
If something needs a 'doing
Well, you know I'm not your man

[Verse 4]
If you're counting on me
You know I'll let you down
You can't be counting on me
'Cause you know I'm just a clown
[Chorus 2]
If you're waiting for me, then you'll be waiting long
I will not answer if you call
If you're needing something, you know that I'll be gone
I can't be counted on at all

[Verse 1]
Give me lots of money
A house up on a hill
Send me pretty women
Or threaten me and still

[Verse 3]
My eye is on the pork
The pork is in the pan
If something needs a 'doing
Well, you know I'm not your man

[Chorus 1]
If you're needing something, you know that I'll be gone
I will not answer if you call
If you're waiting for me, then you'll be waiting long
I can't be counted on at all

[Outro]
I can't be counted on at all
I can't be counted on at all
I can't be counted on at all
I can't be counted on at all