[Verse 1]
Among the strangest things I ever heard
Was when a friend of mine said "Man, let's get some Thunderbird"
I said "What's that?"
He just started to grin
Slobbered on his shirt, his eyes got dim
He said "You got fifty-nine cents? "

[Verse 2]
I said "Yeah, I got a dollar, but don't be a smart-aleck
I ain't gonna spend it on no Indian relic"
And he said "Thunderbird's not an old Indian trinket
It's a wine, man, you take it home and drink it"
I said "It sure don't sound like wine to me"
And he said he'd bet me the change from my dollar

[Verse 3]
We hustled on down to the nearest U-tote-M
The guy wanted my id, I whipped her out and showed him
He got a green bottle from the freezing vault
My friend started doing backward somersaults
Through the cottage cheese

[Verse 4]
Took it back to his house, started drinkin'
Pretty soon I set in to thinkin'
"Man, this Thunderbird tastes yum, yum, yummy
And I know it's doing good things to my tummy, tum..., t..."
It's the way you reason when you're on that crap
[Verse 5]
Got a few more bottles, chugged them down
I pulled myself up off the ground
Decided I'd go see my dearest sweet wife
Who met me at the door with a carving knife
Said "Get them damn grape peels from between your teeth."

[Verse 6]
I could see we're gonna have a little misunderstanding
I said "Dear, I better get in touch with you later"
She said "Forget it, man, you're never touchin' me again!"

[Verse 7]
Now I've seen the light and heard the word
And I'm staying away from that ol' dirty Thunderbird
A message come from heaven radiant and fine
And now all I drink now is communion wine
Six days a week