Joel Ortiz - Dear God 125

Dear lord why do I feel how I feel
I could move a thousand bundles of crilles
I could hit the lottery for a mill
Money no longer make me smile, it's wild
Chest hurt like burying your first child
I'm really losing my drive to do this music
If it don't happen after this I'm through with it
25 still in my mums crib, two kids
Ever heard that saying you so smart you stupid
Thats me, 14 and changing my SAT's
Chose the projects over college, what a fuck up
On the block hollering at bitchs, like fuck you
You stuck up, what can shorty see in a jerk
And then when she leave, and then when she get back from work, what am I worth?
Dennis said my pen can get me out the P's
But he been away for 5 so he don't see what I see
Mum like turn that down I can't hear my T.v
Worrying about them beats, I didn't raise no dead beat
Better find an application boy, get up on your feet
For Micky D's, was 30 my rhyme book was me
I inked my heart and soul in them sheets
Holler at me yo, I'm so unhappy yo
Don't want to be the dude in the Barber shop that could of made it
In the cypher with young boys spitting shit that's outdated
And them niggers walking away like homie was overrated
Life ain't a bitch, Life is Life and I hate it
Never tried suicide, I ain't got the heart to pull it
Know your brain feel pain when it's stained by that bullet
I don't want to live, yet I don't want to die
And have god go you was about to do it Joel, Why?
Daddy do you even still care your boy is still alive?
Ain't seen you since 83', Hello to you too
Guess I was unimportant and you had to do you
Sad that I had to guess that just added to my stress
Mum did her best, nah fuck that, I don't get it
How could you just go and forget that I existed?
Guess I'm not like you, Cos I ain't a punk
I don't run away from problems, I solve them and man up
Mum said I got a step brother called Jamel
An older sister as well, forget her name
Why did we never meet?
I was the only child who wasn't an only child
Who felt lonely, wow how can I tell my son about a grandpa I don't know
I'm done with you yo, next topic
I miss you Jigs I seen your daughters last month they getting big
I know you surprised in heaven that Evet had a Kid
I wish we could sip one more bluey together in that RX7
N***as smelt like gas, Still we hoped in the pool sharked of at her ass
PA ain't the same without you, whenever me and PO get bent thats my word
We think about you, Rolling up your sleeve
Thats when we knew you was drunk
Remember that time your armpit had that yellowish stuff, what the fuck was that?
Be proud of me, I'm coming up in rap
Just waiting on my dough, you know the Biz
What up with miz, Tell that n***a I said what up
Javone getting better at Bball, his tall ass trying to dunk
Through this gift right here I promise to stay in touch, one
When will this bus come, been waiting on this ride for years
All my shirts are stiff from the driest tears
What the fuck Im nice the world need to know
The comments on Hip-Hop game say honestly he should blow
All these meetings is lame, everyone is the same
I pop in my demo and everyone goes insane
Walk out the building head higher than cocaine
Only for me to never ever hear from them again
Thats why I contemplate putting my pen away
But I don't cause motherfuckers did the same shit to Jay
Coincidence? nah I don't believe in those
Shit happen for a reason, if this was meant, id know
What do I got to do Lord? My songs is tight
My shows is jam packed, Im Hip-Hops anthrax
Nobody can touch me but I'm still in the hood
How could you leave me around danger when your boy this good?
Patience is a virtue but enough is enough
By the time I get on I'll be too tiered to celebrate
Yeh I know I'm lying, i'll wake up when I get that cake
First thing I'll cop is a plane ticket escape
I don't care where just far away from here
Turn my phone off, unfold my beach chair
Just stare, like hell yeh light told you we would twinkle our toes in the sand thats white
Last one to the ocean is weak, and swim in the water thats clear enough to stand up and see your feet
But thats only an if, if if was a CEO
Wed all have a deal, Wed all sell a mill
I'm talking the underdogs who feel how I feel
If you can't feel can't feel how I feel, but you know what I mean
Right now I know I can only write about the things I've seen
Sounds sad, but I could fit that In a 16
The furtherest I've been is L.A for a couple of days
Can't front the plane is smoother than the front of the train
But anyway everything ain't ok, Im trying to live for today
But tomorrow……..