Stephen Sondheim
If Momma Was Married

[LOUISE]
If Momma was married, we'd live in a house
As private, as private can be
Just Momma, three ducks, five canaries, a mouse
Two monkeys, one father, six turtles
And me
If Momma was married

[JUNE]
If Momma was married, I'd jump in the air
And give all my toe shoes to you
I'd get all those hair ribbons out of my hair
And once and for all, I'd get Momma out too
If Momma was married

[LOUISE]
Momma, get out your white dress
You've done it before

[JUNE]
Without much success

[TOGETHER]
Momma, godspeed and God bless
We're not keeping score
What's one more left?
Oh, Momma, say yes
And waltz down thе aisle while you may

[LOUISE]
I'll gladly support you
I'll evеn escort you

[JUNE]
And I'll gladly give you away!

[TOGETHER]
Oh Momma, get married today

[JUNE]
If Momma was married, there wouldn't be anymore
"Let me entertain you
Let me make you smile
I will do some kicks (wee)
I will do some tricks"

[JUNE, spoken]
"Sing out, Louise!"

[LOUISE, spoken]
"Smile, baby!"
[LOUISE]
Momma, please take our advice
We aren't the Lunts

[JUNE]
I'm not Fanny Brice
Momma, we'll buy you the rice
If only this once

[TOGETHER]
You wouldn't think twice

It could be so nice
If Momma got married to stay

[JUNE, LOUISE]
But Momma gets married
And married
And married

[TOGETHER]
And never gets carried away

Oh, Momma
Oh, Momma
Oh, Momma
Get married today!