[Verse 1]
Classic FM in my earbuds
Awake with an achy tooth
I see a spider silhouetted on the dresser
Caught in the glow of a text
Who in the hell would be messaging you
At three-o'-bloody-clock in the morning?
The screen of your mobile goes dark before I can draw focus

[Pre-Chorus]
You're snoring like a pig
I creep around the bed and
Key in your passcode
Our daughter's date of birth
To have all my fears confirmed

[Chorus 1]
With a heart emoji
A heart emoji
And the words "I miss you too"

[Verse 2]
We were assistant bar managers at the Carling Academy
Paying for our degrees, serving piss to the hordes
On a seemingly never-ending loop
I hadn't been working there very long
You were giving me a bollocking for pouring a Guinness wrong
When the announcement came over the PA
To evacuate the building
Huddled under your parka
In the doorway of Cash Converters
You had the cheek to ask me on a date
I said, I'd not consider it

[Chorus 2]
Until you apologise
Apologise, apologise
And mean it

[Verse 3]
Get the carving knife from the dishwasher
To stick through your heart
And take a backward step
To feel the touch of something cold and wet

And to my horror
To my horror
There's a slug squashed between my toes