Stan: What? I can't believe you kids don't know about the great patriot Ollie North!

Stan: In the 80s there was Cold War drama

We fought the Commies inside Nicaragua

Our friends were the Contras. Freedom was their mantra

So we sent them lots of money for guns and landmines

But Congress stopped the Contra money flow

Just 'cause they moved a teeny bit of blow

But then a hero came forth

His name was Oliver North

He and Reagan went around the sissy Congress

OLLIE NORTH! OLLIE NORTH!

Stan (speaking): You see, North secretly sold missiles to a harmless country called Iran who would always be a grateful ally. Then he gave the profits to the Contras. Genius!

Stan: But the sales were uncovered by the press
Contras: Awwww

Press: He he

Stan: Reagan and North began to stress

Reagan: Well...

North: Nyaay!

Stan: 'Cause what they did was technically high treason! (But it was totally justified.)

Stan: North volunteered to take the blame

To save Reagan from prison rape shame

The truth he did bury with his hot secretary

Thanks to her shredder, he got off totally scot-free!

OLLIE NORTH! OLLIE NORTH!

He's a soldier!

And a hero!
And a novelist!

And now he's on Fox News!

Roger: Crap, that's the end