[Verse 1]
Hello, all you boys and girls
I'd like to take you to the inside world
It's quite an irregular place to be
But never fear, you're safe with me
Well, maybe

[Verse 2]
Golden hair of macramé
Against the face that's cut from stone
The white porcelain is screaming, "Aye!"
Thank God the boy is not alone

[Chorus]
I don't believe in Santa Claus, I don't believe in spite
I have no use for beauty dolls especially on this night
I don't believe in miracles, I don't believe in lies
I don't believe in holograms for I am the Frizzle Fry

[Bridge]
Andy's painting green again
This time they might take him away
When Barrington starts to breathe again
It may just take us all away

[Chorus]
I don't believe in charity, I don't believe in sin
And if you don't believe in me, we'll play this tune over again
I don't believe in Pinochle and I don't believe I'll try
I do believe in Cap'n Crunch, for I am the Frizzle Fry
Yes, I am the Frizzle Fry
[Instrumental Outro]