There once was a poodle who thought he was a cowboy
He lived in a cage the size of his thumb
And, though his white horse was a box of toothpicks
He galloped around 'till he was hit by a car

Sometimes I flap my arms like a hummingbird
Just to remind myself I'll never fly
And sometimes I burn my arms with a cigarette
Just to pretend I won't scream when I die

If my life was as long as the moon
I'd still be jealous of the sun
If my life lasted only one day
I'd still be drunk by noon
Yes, I'd still be drunk by noon

Sometimes I hope to come down with cancer
At least then I'll get to stay in bed and watch TV all day
And on my deathbed I'll get all the answers
Even if all my questions are taken away

If my life was as long as the moon
I'd still be jealous of the sun
And if my life lasted only one day
I'd still be drunk by noon
I'd still be drunk by noon