My old chair
Is like a big comfy friend
It's soft and it's fuzzy
With a brownish orangey blend

But the padding is gone, and I'm sorry to say
I think it's time for me to throw my chair away
Ohhh nooo....

So I sit in you one last time
I promise not to cry
Pull on your handle
Then recline and say goodbye

So I put you out on the curb
And I wish you good luck
Then I see a guy with a mullet drive by
And put you in the back of his truck

And I hope that he'll be good to you
Do the things that I couldn't do
And I hope he gives you more than me
I hope that he is good company

But when I climb into my bed
And I turn off the lights
I'll be wondering
Who's farting in your cushion tonight
I could always fart on you
You were always in the mood
Even that one summer
When I was eating lots of Indian food

But I miss you more than ever
And I know I'm to blame
I guess I can fart on the couch now
But baby it's just not the same

And I miss you baby oh so much
Your giant buttons and your velvet touch
And I miss you more than anything
The ball poking of your broken spring

If loving a chair is wrong
I don't wanna be right
So I'm wondering
Who's farting in your cushion tonight

Do you remember the night
We watched the movie Nobert
And everytime I broke wind
You were happy to absorb it

And after I go jogging
My sweaty ass would get your seat wet
And when I accidentally shat in my pants
You kept it a secret
And I think that I should let you know
I'm sorry that I let you go
And everyday I hope I see
My chair on the curb just waiting for me

I dream about you all the time
And I hope you're all right
Thats why I'm wondering
Who's farting in your cushion tonight

Cause I wish it was me
Who's farting in your cushion tonight