[WILL]
I got to Kansas City on a Frid'y
By Sattidy I larned a thing or two
For up to then I didn't have an idy
Of what the modren world was comin' to
I counted twenty gas buggies goin' by theirsel's
Almost ev'ry time I took a walk
'Nen I put my ear to a Bell Telephone
And a strange womern started in to talk

[MAN 1]
To you?

[MAN 2]
What next?

[MEN]
Yeah what

[WILL]
What next? Gather round
Ev'rythin's up to date in Kansas City
They've gone about as fur as they c'n go
They went 'n built a skyscraper seven stories high
About as high as a buildin' orta grow
Ev'rythin's like a dream in Kansas City
It's better than a magic lantern show
Y' c'n turn the radiator on whenever you want some heat
With ev'ry kind of comfort ev'ry house is all complete
You c'n walk to privies in the rain and never wet your feet
They've gone about as fur as they c'n go

[MEN]
Yes sir
They've gone about as fur as they c'n go

[WILL]
Ev'rythin's up to date in Kansas City
They've gone about as fur as they c'n go
They got a big theayter they call a burleycue
Fer fifty cents you c'n see a dandy show

[MAN 1]
Gals

[MAN 2]
What

[WILL]
One of the girls was fat and pink and purty
As round above as she was round below
I could swear that she was padded
From her shoulder to her heel
But later in the second act when she began to peel
She proved that everything she had was absolutely real
She went about as fur as she could go
[MEN]
Yes sir
She went about as fur as she could go