[Verse 1: Dot]
If this trash heap had a twinkle in its little trash heap eyes
If this sewer rat had rosy cheeks; this bus became pint-sized
What if all the dogs were puppies and the puppies all were sad?
What if cuttlefish were cuddly and we pedicured your dad?

What if you could kiss a pigeon? (Without contracting Lyme disease)
All the chairs were beanbags made (Of soft, delicious cheese)
If this moldy bread had a smile? (That was 50 shades of green!)
What if this pirate stopped frowning? ('Cause his hеad was a jellybean!)

[Chorus: Dot]
What if, what if, what if
The world was cutеr?
What if, what if, what if
A little more kawaii?
What if, what if, what if
We all rode scooters!
And we'd all have our chance to shine!

[Verse 2: Dot]
What if this red-faced man looked happy? (Oo-hoo)
And this one's rancor was more refined? (Aah!)
What if Tuck Buck was your true love? (Hoo-oo)
So sweet and valentine! (So sweet and valentine!)
What if old shoes were more bouncy?
Yeah, and they all still had their squeak
Naked mole rats wore a sweater, and the grizzly bears were meek
We'll dress up this suit of armor in a stone-washed denim skirt
Turn the Nile into a babbling brook and make Niagara a little squirt

[Chorus: Dot]
What if, what if, what if
The world was cuter?
What if, what if, what if
A little more kawaii?
What if, what if, what if
We all rode scooters!
And we'd all have our chance to shine!

[Verse 3: Dot, Wakko, Yakko, and All]
It's been four weeks, we can't stop singing and we've slowly gone insane!
There's a gumdrop wrapped in rainbows where there used to be my brain
We have to end this nightmare, I have sugar in my eyes
Please make it stop, we can't endure another cute reprise!

[Chorus: All]
What if, what if
The pigeon is the answer?
What if, what if, what if
We held it close?
What if, what if, what if
We turned it all back?
What if, what if
By doing something gross?