[Verse 1]
You can have a fall and winter of your own
Staying warm inside your Victorian home
But when the city's so hot the winos burst into flames
When the Jesus freaks collapse with the weight of their claims

[Chorus]
Marry young, Diana
I don't want to see you old and alone
It's no fun, Diana
I don't want to see you
Rot in the home for aging spinsters

[Verse 2]
You should find someone as loyal as a dog
Who will still love you when you look like a frog
Someone to rock your chair and bring you pink lemonade
Someone to peel your grape at a hundred degrees in the shade

[Chorus]
Marry young, Diana
I don't want to see you old and alone
It's no fun, Diana
I don't want to see you
Rot in the home for aging spinsters