[Verse 1]
Is the Richard Gere gerbil story true?
Who came third in World War II?
Did Sooty sleep with Sue?
These things I think about
When I'm out with you

[Verse 2]
What are the holes in biros for?
Which one's which in the Corrs?
Did Geoff Hurst really score?
'Cause frankly you're a bore
And I am not

[Pre Chorus]
And if it's leaving season
You're second on the bill
If you won't leave me baby
I'll find someone who will

[Chorus]
I tried love
I'm sorry
I tried love

[Verse 3]
Does God ever get it wrong?
Where has Gary Barlow gone?
Why is Christmas Day so long?
It just goes on and on and on
Like you
[Pre Chorus]
And if it's leaving season
You're the second on the bill
If you won't leave me baby
I'll find someone who will

[Chorus]
I tried love
I'm sorry
I tried love

[Instrumental Bridge]

[Chorus]
I tried love
I'm sorry
I tried love

[Verse 4]
Why is there ketchup on my sleeve?
Do you think that Adam fancied Eve?
What if Eve could not conceive
And he had to breed with Steve?
We'd all be gay

(Laughter)