[Verse 1]
I don't need no wheels, I don't need no gasoline
'Cause the wind that is blowing is blowing like a smoke machine
If I said to you that I was looking for a place to get to
'Cause my neck is broken and my pants ain't gettin' no bigger

[Chorus]
I got a stolen wife and a rhinestone life
And some good old boys
I'm writing my will on a three dollar bill
In the evening time

[Verse 2]
All my friends tell me something is gettin' together
I got a beard that would disappear if I'm dressed in leather
Now let me tell you about my baby, she was born in Arizona
Sittin' in the jailhouse trying to learn some good manners

[Chorus]
I got a stolen wife and a rhinestone life
And some good old boys
I'm writing my will on a three dollar bill
In the evening time

[Verse 3]
Matchsticks strike when I'm riding my bike to the depot
'Cause everybody knows my name at the recreation center
If I could only find a nickel I would pay myself off tonight
'Cause nobody knows when the good times have passed out cold
[Chorus]
I got a stolen wife and a rhinestone life
And some good old boys
I'm writing my will on a three dollar bill
In the evening time
I got a stolen wife and a rhinestone life
And some good old boys
I'm writing my will on a three dollar bill
In the evening time

[Outro]
Don't talk to me
If you're looking for somebody to cry on
Don't talk to me
If you're looking for somebody to cry on